When I “hit the wall” in my own marriage years ago, my ego saw only two options. One was that he change, the other was that I leave. When I realized that I was trying to solve the problem the same way I created it—with my ego-mind, I asked my Spirit for help instead. I dropped the hardness of my ego-guard and looked into my heart. There, instead of blame, I found responsibility. I knew I could not leave in good conscience until I had 100% shown up and taken responsibility for my words, thoughts and actions. I realized that if I left the relationship from blame and victimhood, or left because I was seeking outside of myself something I could only find inside of myself, that I would be full of regrets down the road. It was then that I dove head first into taking responsibility for every thing I said, did and thought in an effort to align with creating a healthy relationship. Had it not worked, I would have then known that it was time to move into a state of acceptance that this relationship was not meant to continue.
How do we decide when to stay and when to go? There are so many variables involved in this question—not the least of which is children, finances, safety, already married or not married, that it’s hard to give a “one-size fits all” answer. However, there are a couple of questions that may help you with the decision.